Self Love was a concept that my mentor Crystal Andrus Morissette had talked about when I started my empowerment coaching journey with her amazing SWAT Institute. I had never heard of it nor understood it from an empowered way. I kept thinking 'isn't it selfish to just love yourself only? aren't we supposed to be giving all the time?'. It was through her that I had come across the word Receive. How are we Receiving for ourselves? And I was like wow I don't think I had ever Received! I had always given, given ,given. Until I was running on empty. And even then I kept giving.
Were you like me? Do you also have a problem Receiving? Are you balanced in your Giving and Receiving? This was something I experienced on my Awakening journey. Understanding the balance and that Receiving was my birth right.
It is no coincidence that I was guided to start a SELF LOVE journey online so I could connect with other Awakening Women who may also be facing challenges on loving themselves. What a concept...loving our Self. Let's explore.
What does Self Love mean to you? How do you feel about loving yourself? Where are you on the spectrum of Self Love? Can you grasp it? Conceptualise it? Understand it? Accept it? Love it? Where are you on Self Love?
If you are finding it strange or challenging, you may not be alone. Self Love was not really taught to us women growing up. You can recognise this when you come across women who are afraid to FEEL and will keep their FEELINGS to themselves because they don't want to 'burden' others. Here are a few symptoms that are on the broad spectrum of not Loving Yourself:
Poor sense of self esteem Love to make others laugh to distract them from truly seeing how you feel Always giving without wanting to receive Feel like you don't deserve even a compliment Berating yourself Perceive yourself as a burden A great listener and does not share much because 'don't want to burden others' Overweight Can't stand up for yourself Attracting unhealthy relationships Jealousy Can't channel money easily (notice I said channel and not keep) Lost and confused
Can you recognise yourself anywhere above? I know I can because I was this person not too long ago. I went on a Soul Awakening journey to release all the conditionings that made me this person who didn't love herself. It was a challenging time but I bravely took steps forward because going back was not an option. The only way was forward. So onwards I marched. Until I came to the point of why I had attracted all the mess in my life. Because I was not standing in my Power.
And to stand in my Power, I had to recognise I had Power.
To know I had Power, I had to understand where this Power was came from. To know where it came from, I had to go back to where it all began.
Me. My birth. Being a Divine Spark.
A Divine Spark is a part of God/Goddess/Divine Source Energy. That was me! So how could I be anything less? Why did I feel anything less? Because I was comparing myself to others. I felt unworthy and ugly. Where on earth did I get these beliefs? Something I learned along the way and it was also experiential. I had to think 'How can I fix this?'. To unlearn years of negative conditioning about myself. Where did I go wrong? And then it came to me.
I was so busy trying to be someone or something else that I never gave myself a chance!
Because I didn't like myself. Worse...I didn't LOVE MYSELF.
I did not love myself.
That realisation took me a while to sink in. It was a truth of mine at the time. How sad that I didn't love myself. No wonder I have been having unloving experiences all around me.
How can they love me when I didn't love myself?
So that's what I am meant to do now. Love myself. How was I supposed to do that? I didn't know where to start?! So, I asked my guides and the answer was to start caring for myself as much as I had done for others. I was always putting myself last on the list. Hence, all my relationships were putting me also last on their list! I was vibrating that out into the Universe.
Why else was I experiencing unhealthy situations?
My Self Love journey started with knowing what I wanted from life instead of letting it happen to me. I wanted to live my dreams whether I had a man or not. I wanted to be healthy and strong. I wanted to look good. I wanted to do meaningful work. I wanted to sing. I wanted to fulfill my dreams. Here is what I did:
Exercise I knew I had put this off long enough so I set out to learn what works best for me. I am not a gym-er as I love my privacy. I loved dancing, hip hop, ethnic beats and music in general. I knew exercise for me had to get me shaking my booty. Today, I am rocking Hot Hula fitness and learning awesome choreography from Matt Steffanina on YouTube! It fits! Meditation My mind was always cluttered and I could never focus. I am not a mantra kinda gal and I am not a traditionalist meditationer. I made my own meditation practice. Deep breathing and connecting with my Higher Self in a safe etheric space. Something I teach in my workshops. It fits! Creativity I never focused on my creativity because 'you can't make money from it' mentality coming from the elders. But I knew this was wrong. We are born with these gifts from Source. We are meant to express them joyously. So, I prioritised painting and singing as a major part of my life. I loved writing too and contributed to online magazines. It fits! Like minded Soul Friends I have had people come into my life and leave abruptly which has left painful scars. It was all due to the vibrations I was sending out that I was not worthy to be loved. I shifted my thoughts and vibrations towards worthiness and love so that no matter who was in my life, I loved ME! Now, I am attracting many like minded and Light minded people who are all on a similar path like mine. I am no longer attached to the destination with them but just the journey. Some will stay and some will go. I want to make sure that everyday it is a pleasant experience mutually. It fits! Affirmations Louise L. Hay and her book You Can Heal Your Life changed my life with affirmations. It helped me realise the the source of my issues were my thoughts. Especially those yucky subconscious ones that I was aware of! I now use Dr. Wayne Dyer's 'I AM...' in front of something I wish to affirm in my life. I noticed a huge shift in my life. It fits! Abundance Money and abundance was always an issue. And it wasn't that I had money issues. It was just that I didn't value it and ended up giving it to people who used me. I had to go back on my thoughts and beliefs about money and abundance. I also learned that we are Channels of abundance! That money comes to you once your purpose to use it is clear and aligned to your highest good. It fit! Life Partner Struggled with it nearly half my life because through cultural conditioning, I had believed that I needed a man to justify my existence. I had to unlearn that painfully. Now, I affirm that I am worthy and lovable no matter what. And if a life partner wishes to step into my life, he has to love me like I love myself or even better! Healthier boundaries and higher standards have been place thanks to people like Steve Harvey and Mr. Amari Soul and their women's empowerment movement. It fit! Weight Loss I had excess weight due to 'emotional cushioning' of past trauma. I was always a little tubby. The minute I started loving myself, the weight melted...Being a Reiki Master and channeling information from the Divine Guides, I learned how to clear the energy blocks that were in the weight because EVERYTHING IS ENERGY. The more I shed old beliefs, unhealthy patterns and conditionings, the weight kept melting. Also, I discovered juicing! Juicing the right combinations of fruits and vegetables helped me understand how to keep my metabolism healthy, clear my liver and kidneys of toxins. It fits!
I wanted to share all of the above with you so you can understand how your own life can change when you put yourself first by loving yourself first! Putting yourself first is not selfish. We are always advised on airplanes to put the oxygen masks on yourself FIRST before you put it on others. It is the same principle here!
When we fill our Heart Cups until it overflows with Love, we are full. We are complete. We can operate at our optimum level because we are full with Love. We have to Receive first before we can Give to others. So, once we Receive all the Love for ourselves; doing what brings us Joy, saying loving things about ourselves, engaging in loving activities, then we can Give love to others.
Notice when an unhappy person hugs you and when a happy person hugs you. You just know the difference! The life force flowing from a happy person touches you and you want to be around this person more and more. The more you love yourself, you send out vibrations of love to others also. You become more and more attractive and life just gets better. These are all by-products of loving yourself. Why wouldn't you want to experience it?
Loving yourself can start now. It is not a complicated process. All it takes is a Yes from you. You may not know where to begin but everything begins with one little step. That's what I did. One little step every day. And I am still stepping forward little by little. Loving yourself is choice and your options are always open. I hope I find you on the Self Love train soon because it's a lot more fun!
Picture credit goes to artist fully. I loved this image.